Some people, when they become adults realize they are a bit lost. Due to an infinite number of combinations of how they were raised, experiences during childhood, and relationships with others a foundation was built that as an adult becomes unstable. It was likely always unstable, but when we are adults we, most of us at least, become reliant on what we know. And what we know isn’t always good for us.
This was me in so many ways. I didn’t have my own value system in place and it affected all of my relationships, made me unnecessarily sensitive to criticism, and kept me from finding peace within myself. Not having a solid foundation ultimately caused bad financial choices, poor parenting decisions and my relationships suffered, including my marriage. The way I reacted when something happened (or didn’t happen the way I wanted it to) was impulsive and often chaotic.
Even though this was my behavior, deep down I knew I didn’t like acting this way and I also recognized I wasn’t taking responsibility for my behavior. The later is what kept me in this ugly cycle so owning my actions and issues was a priority. Five years ago my life completely changed when I made a conscious decision to BE the person I wanted to be.
Two things helped me find my way; My therapist and The Minimalists, who talk openly about their own integrity, character and values. Therapy helped me deal with me; my hang ups, how I viewed myself, and how to define my own value (to myself and others). The Minimalists have a game plan that I emulated to create my own value system.
Despite the infinite number of ways my foundation was created as a child, I have the power to rewrite how I operate which will greatly improve how I live my life. I work on this daily and daily I get my ass kicked by old habits and bad self-talk…but going over my values (below) help me move forward in the exact way I know will bring balance in my life.
So, here is my value statement
Fundamental Values are the most important ways I live my life. These are what everything else is built from. Think of them as buckets you fill up that create balance. Note: yours may be totally different, I happen to find these (from The Minimalist) to align with my way of thinking, however the description of each is my own.
- Relationships | Making JZN a priority, cultivating positive friendships and family relationships with 1:1 time.
- Creativity | Expressing myself via my work, looking objectively at tasks to ensure 80/20 they allow creativity.
- Growth | Learning different perspectives, ensuring my work (social media) doesn’t equate to an imaginary self value, and continue to elevate self awareness.
- Contribution | Ensuring my monies, work and words are contributing to a greater good than myself and my own personal/material wants.
- Health | Making it a priority by scheduling time for exercise, self care, meditation
Core values are specific things that fill up the fundamental values buckets. Without core values I don’t have actionable ways to live my life the way I want to. I choose ten core values that I know will bring me incredible satisfaction when accomplished.
- Promotion of others
- Time with my kids
- Financial freedom (zero debt & retirement)
- Emotional relationship with JZN
- Contractual obligations
- Scheduling my time and sticking to it 90% of the time
- Self Care
Minor values are experiences/things I find joy in but if they didn’t happen or weren’t in my life I’m not out of sorts. They seem a bit silly written down but I really enjoy my morning coffee in a room only lit by candles.
My morning cup of coffee
Waking up slowly | Lighting candles in the morning / no lights
Imaginary values are perceived as valuable but in reality are in direct conflict with my fundamental values. For instance, I do want a big fat three diamond anniversary ring. If I received one for Christmas I would be giddy…but that purchase is in conflict with how I want to spend money (read Growth under Fundamental Values).
Personal social media (non business related work)…you know the rabbit hole :-/
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and thank you for supporting me and this blog <3